January 29, 2023 at 7:11 AM
That’s what it said when I looked inside but what happens to 1968 or 1983 how did I get here it’s 2023 where did 40 years go did I put them in my pocket and forget them
When I was 8 was that really me or someone who thought me into 2023
1
Is it the dark night of the soul
Are these holy warriors
Are these words scribbled over my face
Or am I dreaming
The pressure moves up my spine while I’m sleeping
Clamps my brain until I can’t move
What about it’s glory
Is this what happens when I die
Or am I dreaming
Face’s spinning by while I scroll
Was that what I think it was
Or am I dreaming
Tomorrow I will wake and wonder who it was that wrote this
Or am I dreaming tomorrow away like diamonds flickering in the sky
3
He said wow then silence fell like a soft blanket of warm snow, gentle and loving with a sweet fragrance floating by
My stomach growled
Am I hungry now or is that just a frog hopping by telling me secrets that no one knows or can find inside
The pain I feel in my hip makes a knot it suspends a streamer down my leg until my foot flickers and bends back where it came from bent and twisted inside her womb
She’s become a monster with demons holding her captive she no longer knows who I am the one who came to visit first in 1960 June I think or was I dreaming
4
I resided in the dark until the light flickered inside me where a universe sprung forth like a mountain exploding until the lava turned blue then purple like a moon next to me in bed
Or was it in my head
He moved then sighed or was it a soft loving whisper I can’t tell what does his silence speak to me while my finger touches the screen
Was that his finger popping of am I imagining this into existence while what I think is my body lays here in this place
Where is this am I here or am I dreaming
5
He said wow baby was it followed by umm or was it hummm I can’t tel now he is there with his head propped with elbows framed with his legs moving
Is this real or am I dreaming this into existence so I can keep thinking
Like a novel scribed in my brain or is my brain a scribe or was I scribing it
It was dark only a few hours ago now the light comes softly through the window into the bedroom where my I think it’s a body that belongs to me but how do I really know or understand what is here or there or anywhere when I isn’t really real
6
I woke up with my ear hurting at 5:30 it felt like a fiery dagger or was it my dad branding me so he can find me next life or is Meric my Dad reborn my Grandson
7
The light came back on top of my head like a halo or a crown it stopped shining in my head until I thought it made my brain glow with blue
is that my brain or is it something else that replaced me like a new cycle swaying into being
8
I said it to him these words
If we’re transparent with ourselves then peace comes
He said hummm or was it huh I don’t know
I hear the water running through the wall outside it’s sending water to the roots of the plants in our raised bed or is it a sunken garden beneath a wall we had built to keep the plants from growing inside out like a body with the internal organs exposed now that sounds gross
I once heard of a plant that looked like brains and another that smelled rotten is that natures way of telling us it’s pissed at us
Or are we pisses at it - it seems like we are, the way we treat it like a disposable blanket that came to warm us in the fires of the 8th plane
9
He said
That’s some cool stuff coming through babe
I said it
I haven’t been writing for years
He said
You’ve been painting
That’s right I’ve been painting my insides onto a canvas as in the dark night of my soul scribed into a flower glowing red pink orange purple and yellow
they once exploded off the canvas and consumed the world as I knew it
then it reappeared out of the womb of that darkened night until the radiant sun emerged into a Great White Angel who came to save us from our stupidity
